If they had the internet on computers, we could read about…

• Bathing in oil. No, not a metaphor, actually sitting in a tub of lukewarm crude oil (insert Dick Cheney joke here).
• Crayon art. None of Ella’s crayons look like this.
• Two atheists offer to send messages for the faithful after the rapture.
• “Some of our personal sins include: drunkenness, heresy, sacrilige/blasphemy, gluttony, laciviousness, and sloth. There is no way we are going to disappear into Heaven any time soon.”
• Grow your own furniture or grow your own house. Either way - not for the impatient.
• If you are going to a party near the North Carolina beach, someone is already bringing chips.